The sum of all 'X'

“How does it feel?” Ever since I turned entrepreneur (again), after nearly two decades in the corporate world, this is the typical first question I get asked. 

I have struggled with this response. I am enjoying every moment (nearly!) of it, I find it immensely fulfilling, I feel very purpose driven, every day. But there is the other side that weighs on my mind - it's daunting, it’s lonely, it's too early to say anything, you feel like a fish out of water sometimes, it's a long haul to success, and that success - as traditionally defined - is tough to achieve. And so on. 

So, how do I really feel?? I felt compelled to find the ‘right answer’ for myself. Now, don’t ask me why I felt this answer was important, it just was! Perhaps because it would help me connect seemingly disparate dots, make sense of emotions that I confront every day. 

There is some history here. I have done a start-up once before. It was different then, to say the least. I was half the age, half the family size (my two college going kids had not even appeared on the scene!). Startups weren’t ‘the thing’ they are now, it was more like ‘what is this guy even upto’! Those nearly 6 years of start-up experience, in the most difficult times (post the dotcom bubble), shaped an incredibly fulfilling journey in the corporate world. 

As I combined that history, with the experience of the last 4 months, an idea began to form about how starting up feels for me. Starting up is ‘The Sum of All X !’ 

X here represents the incredible array of emotions / response mechanisms. that have characterized my starting up experience. What makes this ‘X framework’ even more fascinating is this constant dance of seemingly conflicting forces and emotions. 

• The sum of all the learning The sum of all the unlearning 
• The sum of all the courage The sum of all fears 
• The sum of all your network  The sum of all the restraint (so what if you know someone!)
• The sum of all the support (family, friends, network) The sum of all the support (yes, this is a repeat)
• The sum of all the freedom The sum of all constraints 
• The sum of all the confidenceThe sum of all the vulnerability 
• The sum of all the urgencyThe sum of all the patience (your priorities are not others’)
• The sum of all possibilities The sum of all reality checks 
• The sum of all expectations The sum of all compromises (those personal plans will have to wait)
• I am sure there are many more !

So, that’s really how I feel. The sum of all I can be ! Starting up makes me dig really deep. I feel comfortable without the trappings I had gotten accustomed to. It helps me let go of my hesitations. I feel like going full throttle on every strength I got. Failure, rejection, and conflicting emotions feel like part of the script. 

Starting up is the Sum of all You can be. It is you discovering yourself in the most un-filtered way. In a professional set-up it is perhaps the best way to discover your superpowers. I recommend a stint for everyone.