Josh Payne’s Post

I'm 45 and this weekend I played my first piano recital alongside my 3 kids. It taught me the most important lesson about parenting I've ever learned: 2 years ago, my friend Ramit Varma sold his company and bought an incredible Steinway for his family room. When I was at his house, I commented on it, and he told how it changed the entire "focus" of their family. He said the piano had this magnetic effect...after school or before bed it pulled his family together creating shared moments instead of devices that creating individual experiences separating us. I instantly wanted to recreate that for my family. There was only one big problem - we're not musically inclined in the slightest! When I told my wife I wanted to get one - she remarked that "It doesn't make any sense - none of us play piano!". And, I said - exactly - that's my point! I ran to the piano showroom that weekend and got one. I showed the kids the piano with excitement - however, let's just say they weren't as thrilled as I was. I trudged on and we started piano lessons for the kids. We had to drag the kids to the piano. It was the opposite of rewarding. After making a huge investment -- seeing them not care and even resent the piano was beyond frustrating. Where did I go wrong? Had Ramit just made up his family's stories of joy?? lol I told him my experience and there was one HUGE difference. Ramit was taking lessons with his kids and his wife also sang or played another instrument with them. I thought about taking lessons with the kids - but I was always too busy at work. It's funny - learning to play the piano was a "bucket list" item for me - I bought the piano, hired an instructor, and yet there wasn't enough time. I finally caved one day. That week I practiced for just 5-10 mins per day with an app (Simply Piano). What I noticed changed everything. The kids generally want to be in whatever room we are in. So when I would play the piano - they would eventually meander over. Then they would not only play, but fight over who got to play next! I didn't have to beg them to play like it was a chore and the only thing that changed was that I did it with them. My kids are young (all three under 10 yrs old) and they just want to do what I am doing. They just want to BE with ME. Participating with them turns a "chore" into an activity. The best way to show them I care is to simply be with them rather than direct them. I would put my recital right up there with finishing a marathon, Ironman, or any other athletic event I've accomplished. It was hard / nerve-wracking / and yet rewarding. The best part was remembering that my kids just want to be with me. And the sometimes the best way to "parent" is when you get on their level. Say it with me: You're not too old. You're not too busy. You're not too tired. As my friend Jay Yang says - YOU CAN JUST DO THINGS! PS - sorry this is not another AI post and a bit cheesy, but it was a big win & hope it helps!