From the course: Tips to Work with Difficult People

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Move from judgment to curiosity

Move from judgment to curiosity

From the course: Tips to Work with Difficult People

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Move from judgment to curiosity

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- When we're frustrated with someone, it's so easy to jump to judgments. If your colleague misses a deadline, you might think, "Oh, she's so irresponsible." If your manager turns down your idea, you might think, "He's being difficult on purpose." It's human that we do this, but there's something so powerful about getting curious and giving people the benefit of the doubt, even when it doesn't really feel like they deserve it. I want you to try this: Replace judgment with curiosity by using the phrase, "I wonder." So instead of, "She's so irresponsible," try, "I wonder what's making it hard for her to stay on top of things." Instead of, "He's being difficult on purpose," try, "I wonder what concerns he has that I didn't consider or address." Then use phrases like, "Help me understand." "I'm curious about." And, "Can you please walk me through your thinking on?" Curiosity disarms people, it sparks dialogue. People who feel seen and understood are way more likely to be collaborative…

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