Gen Z men, women have a deep political divide. It's made dating a nightmare

Kelly Shea's date showed up half an hour late to the bar where they were supposed to meet, and things only got worse from there.

When he finally arrived, Shea, a now-23-year-old who was studying international politics at the University of Delaware at the time, says they got to talking. She asked him one of her go-to, first-date questions: What is your most controversial take?

"I do believe that everybody has, deep down inside them, a controversial take," she says. "This man, he first was like, 'I don't have any.' And I was like, 'That's not true. Tell me what comes to mind.' And then he thinks about it for a second, and he was like, 'Oh, I think being gay is wrong.' "

It's because of instances like this that Shea, who describes herself as solidly left-wing, draws a hard line when it comes to dating and politics: If someone's on the far-right, she's not interested. If someone's moderate or center-right − in the vein of John McCain or Mitt Romney, she says − she might give them a chance.

"Politics is definitely a factor in my dating," Shea says. "If someone matches with me, or not matches with me but they like my profile or whatnot, and it says 'conservative,' I will absolutely 'X' them. I do think I'm OK with a difference in political opinions to a certain extent. I draw a line when it comes to certain issues, such as human rights."

She's not alone.

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In addition to the many pitfalls of online dating, Gen Z is also having to navigate a dating landscape marked by steep political polarization between men and women. An April poll by NBC News found the partisan divide between men and women ages 18 to 29 to be wider than that of any other age range, with 53% of Gen Z women identifying as Democrats, compared with just 35% of Gen Z men. On the flip side, 38% of young men surveyed called themselves Republicans, versus just 20% of young women.

The political gender divide is yet another romantic hurdle for a generation that's having less sex and burned out on dating apps.

"It's easier to align yourself with a political identity now than it was maybe back then, because of technology, and I do think it funnels you into certain sects," Shea says. "So I do think it fragments and segments people, making it harder to find common ground when it comes to dating."

How politics is impacting dating for Gen Z

Politics has become an increasingly fraught topic in the realm of dating, with many unwilling to date across the aisle.

A 2020 Pew Research report found 71% of Democrats said they probably or definitely would not date someone who voted for Trump. About half of Republicans − 47% − said they probably or definitely wouldn't date someone who voted for Biden.

Among Gen Z, the political polarization between men and women showed itself prominently during the 2024 presidential election. On Election Day, Gen Z men turned out for Trump, with 49% of them voting for him and 47% voting for Harris, according to NBC News exit polling. Trump also gained ground with Gen Z women, though that same exit polling showed 61% of these voters still went for Harris.

The conservative swing among young men hasn't been lost on daters, either.

"I have seen an uptick in men displaying that they're conservative (on dating apps)," Shea says.

This is true even in liberal dating markets, says Kimberly Bizu, a 28-year-old who hosts "Rich Little Brokegirls," a podcast about modern womanhood. Bizu, who identifies as center-left says that, even in blue cities, many young men hold conservative views, even if they don't discuss them.

"A lot of people in New York, in LA, they wear these liberal masks socially, while still holding more conservative views behind closed doors," Bizu says. "I know some of my friends who are likely conservative would never admit it publicly."

Right-leaning men have noticed the divide too. Winn Howard, a former U.S. Marine Corps infantry officer who's now getting a dual masters at Georgetown University, reentered the dating scene in February, after getting out of a long-term relationship. Though he's on the dating app Hinge, he says he rarely uses it, preferring to meet women in person, where it's easier to get know someone beyond the limited information on a dating app profile.

Still, "I have noticed on the dating apps, probably more often than not, I come across female profiles that will have their political view," he says. "And, in DC, I feel like I definitely come across liberal more often."

Howard, who is 30 and labels himself center-right, says he's open to dating liberal women and believes finding common ground is an important part of dating.

"I'm still a huge, huge proponent and believer in bipartisanship and meeting in the middle, and that's how the two-party system is supposed to work," he says. "So that is how I approach dating. I think just because someone is on the left, and I'm more towards the right, that's not a dealbreaker for me."

Should liberals and conservatives date each other?

Relationship experts agree it's certainly possible for people with opposing political views to have a thriving romance − so long as they still share core values and treat each other with respect.

For Bizu, she says it's important to get to know someone beyond politics. After all, she says most people don't fall neatly into conservative and liberal categories. She finds that acknowledging this nuance can be a good way to find commonality while holding fast to your values.

"Honestly, when someone has a bigoted opinion super early on, it typically and usually comes from either the far right or the far left," she says. "At that point, it's less about politics, and it's more about this complete lack of nuance or compassion. And, for me personally, I just feel like, if you're not curious or open to understanding different perspectives, then I am not interested in building a deeper connection."

It's also important to remember Gen Z is still young − and many of its members could change their views with time.

Because of this, Bizu encourages fellow Gen Zers to stay open-minded when it comes to dating.

"Be open to understanding different perspectives," she says. "Especially Gen Z, we're only at the beginning, right? We're still building our careers and our networks, and I think it's way more important to open yourself up to as many fulfilling relationships as possible, even if that means like, hey, maybe we hold different political views, but we could definitely get something out of this relationship."